our thoughts

i saw him tear the second time..*sigh*

we had a heart-to-heart talk last nite. he had many thoughts on his mind, many worries.

the past 2wks, he has been sending me some 'unique' sms-es. Unique as in words he dun usually say, and not reali 'like him' to say it.

"you're my motivation to succeed in tis course and in life. im determined to complete this course. thanks for the encouragement & support. i love u so much to lose u, dun ever leave me.im here for today, tmr and the future always.."

"i dun wan anythg to be in between us. im happy doin things for u and wanna spend as much time wif u as possible. after the 2 yrs,i'll leave the status as a boyfriend and become ur husband!i wan u to witness the good that will come into our r/s in future:)"

"you're on my mind everywhere i go..been tinkin a lot financially, parents health n ur well being..so many things happening here makin me wanna giv up. but wad drives me to hold on is my parents & ur support."

i guess he's been tinkin quite a lot, till he sorta 'brokedown' n tear last nite. extra burden is on him takin into account de fact tt he's de only child. he feels bad tt at sucha age, his parents r still workin for him, and he cant provide dem wif much. :/ *sigh*

stuff in army arent going too good too. my boy has completed his course n is back at de horrible place till June. thoughts of giving up came into him. he felt tt if he cld opt for a 8-5 job, he wld be able to spend more time wif his parents, more imptly his mum. *cries*

he worries for them, his studies, and our r/s. determined to study, yet worried bout the fees etc. then he's afraid of not being able to make me happy. *double sigh* and silly me, after hearing all his worries, i asked him a stupid question "am i being a burden to u.."?

i tink i feel at fault seeing him so vexed wif stuff yet i cant lift a helpin hand, thus tt question came to my mind. *sorry dearest* time n again, he consoled me n gave me assurance, yet i dunno why i hav such thoughts. our "we'll go through thick n thin together" still stands :)

i cant wait for the arrival of June - "it'll be the proudest moment of my life to my parents and you".

as we were talking, my constant stomach pain was unbearable. its been quite frequent recently, n its always at nite. *sigh* some nites, i wonder, wad if one day i kena some deadly sickness, den hu is going to tk care of my parents oso? *cries* its scary tinkin of it, but death is still unavoidable regardless of age :/ seein my brother 'directionless', and my sis aint reali working, i feel a heavy load on my shoulders. whats worse, i hav my studies to be concern bout. sigh.

instances wen i feel so stressed out, touts of giving up came into my mind too. i try to appear that im coping well, for fear that they'll worry unduly, but sometimes, i feel the 'breaking-down' stage too. i hope i wun disappoint them. it'll be the proudest moment for my family and my boy too :)

*stay strong my love. thats wad u always tel me rite? we'll overcome everything togeda okie?:) i hope im reali not a burden to you. i wan to see u happy, as much as u wan to see me happy :) love u*